I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
