How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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