just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
