she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
