She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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