FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
