i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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