No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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