I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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