I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
