erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
