You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's the barista slut.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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