Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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