He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize