Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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