I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
