OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
