i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize