I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
