You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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