Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
