One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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