So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
