i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
