O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
