if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize