Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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