nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
