She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
