You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
