plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize