the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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