I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize