I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Small penises have feelings too.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
