Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize