Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
