I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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