It's like God shit irony all over that family
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
