omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
