Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
