Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
