Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
