I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
smell my finger.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Even my vagina gasped.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
