they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
