No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
