SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
