he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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