I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
why is half of my head shaved?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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