The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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