his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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