I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
