there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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