The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
