I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
time to smoke my breakfast
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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