omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
