RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
