I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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