When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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