I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
