Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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