Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Walk of Shame today included voting.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We have started to decorate penises.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
