every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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