Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
