i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
