i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
