How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
