you guys were way drunker than both of me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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