I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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